Alex's Twilight Review

Procrastination thy name is Chad.

Yes I promised to post Alex's review quite some time ago.

Without further ado I give you Alex!

Hello readers guess who it is; you’re always wonderful guest writer Alex. Today I would like to write a review about the all “wonderful Twilight.” Before I tell you about my grievances I would like to start off by saying god bless America and the first Amendment right. If this right was not around I would probably commit suicide out of pure anger and frustration of not being able to vent about one of the WORST series ever made. So as you are reading this I advise you that if you are a Twilight fan, to turn your computer off, turn the fireplace on and read your beloved Twilight, but if you are like me and absolutely loath Twilight, then I suggest you keep reading. Please try to keep up because I will be switching back and forth between the two movies. Thank you and enjoy.

Let’s start with the story in general shall we. When the hell did vampires stop dying in sunlight, isn’t that one of the main points of vampires is the fact that they can’t be in sunlight. Here is the best part, you can’t kill vampires with wooden stakes anymore either, you have to tear them apart limb by limb and set them on fire, “WHAT THE HELL”. I believe I am speaking for a lot of people when I say this totally blows. Not only is it a big insult that vampires don’t die in sunlight but it is a even bigger one when they sparkle. WOW! In this story every vampire apparently has a super, I can buy that (only because vampires generally have super strength and can fly). Now if anyone has seen Underworld it is like Twilight but a million times better, because it was a love story between a vampire and a human except it came out first and it was good. Did the author of this book think she was original or did she know that she was biting this story off an original movie? This story in general is a piece of trash.

Now that you have an idea of what the story is all about the fun part is reviewing the movie, my passion. Let’s begin with the fact that literally only gay or flamboyant actors were cast for the roles of every character. Honestly watching this movie I felt a little gay, when some of the teenagers were acting, it was like there was a teleprompter in front of them and they were just reading their lines for the first time. In the sequel to Twilight, New Moon, every chance a guy got to take his shirt off, guess what he did, he took his shirt off, it was literally a movie about Hanes models that got either scratched by a werewolf or bit by a vampire. In the highlight of that film Dakota Fanning’s 7 minute part was very good because she is talented, but come on, she is way better than this. In these movies there was not one time where Kristen Stewart did not stop biting her lip, Oh My God, if she quit biting her lip for one second maybe I would get more into the character, but no she didn’t. Why when Bella came over to the vampire’s house for a dinner date was she served Italian food did the director think this was funny and or a joke; it wasn’t, considering Italian food mostly has GARLIC in it. I honestly think I speak for everyone when I say this movie was complete trash, with a capital T. Now I’m not saying I hate gay or flamboyant people by writing this review but seriously there aren’t any straight vampires? I think society would’ve honestly survived without encountering this film, EVER! This is another review from your always sincere guest writer Alex Dale.

Now I have to assume that this review is sarcastic since I found the following photo of Alex from last years Comic-Con.